hawaii poems
mallory whitten


from GOD BOX
 

often when i am approaching my tent i expect to see my reflection the way i do when i walked up to any of the houses i’ve lived at on the door in front of the real door

then i remember i am in the jungle, i live in a tent & i unzip the entrance wondering what a faint reflection of myself would look like at this time

*

my favorite way i have made a friend is once someone i am close with approached me and said “you should talk to so and so, you have the same problems” so when i was walking to my tent i saw so and so and said “hey a mutual friend of ours said we have the same problems, do you want to be friends?” and she said “yes, let’s do something, i am depressed right now though” and i said “ok, well maybe tomorrow?” and she said “yes, but with the rules of depression, like we can totally bail”

*

it is harder to sustain being depressed while living in community because most people around are familiar with your average mood & when they see it slipping they all want to acknowledge that they have noticed & it might be because to them acknowledging that they noticed is their way of saying “i care” but at the same time when a few people say “i saw you at the lanai are you ok” it’s frustrating because you want to justify the face you must have been making & then you think “i live in hawaii i am in fucking paradise what is wrong with me” then you remember its all allowed & the people around you are trying to help in their own way