hawaii poems
mallory whitten

from GOD BOX

often when i am approaching my tent i expect to see my reflection the way i do when i walked up to any of the houses i’ve lived at on the door in front of the real door

then i remember i am in the jungle, i live in a tent & i unzip the entrance wondering what a faint reflection of myself would look like at this time


my favorite way i have made a friend is once someone i am close with approached me and said “you should talk to so and so, you have the same problems” so when i was walking to my tent i saw so and so and said “hey a mutual friend of ours said we have the same problems, do you want to be friends?” and she said “yes, let’s do something, i am depressed right now though” and i said “ok, well maybe tomorrow?” and she said “yes, but with the rules of depression, like we can totally bail”


it is harder to sustain being depressed while living in community because most people around are familiar with your average mood & when they see it slipping they all want to acknowledge that they have noticed & it might be because to them acknowledging that they noticed is their way of saying “i care” but at the same time when a few people say “i saw you at the lanai are you ok” it’s frustrating because you want to justify the face you must have been making & then you think “i live in hawaii i am in fucking paradise what is wrong with me” then you remember its all allowed & the people around you are trying to help in their own way