I Am Going To Become Happy So I Can Tell You How It Feels
Zach Schwartz

 

I.
 
you should do at least one of the things you said you were going to do
 
or else you will be fucked
 
i want to warn you “don’t be bleak” the way a charming sociopath would say “don’t be nervous!”
 
i need to tell you soon that not everything is going to be ok
 
and have created an event to do so on my iphone
 
and sent you an invitation to attend via email
 
but you haven’t confirmed yet
 
i need to tell you that talking about your problems doesn’t solve anything
 
and that seeing the world in a depressing way doesn’t have any reward
 
unless you do something with it

 

II.
 
kanye west said that great art comes from great pain
 
my friend ziggy said that great pain happens to everyone
 
last night in his bedroom while playing guitar
 
when i said that some people seemed to induce pain
 
for the sake of making art

 

III.
 
you can only be lost and confused for so long
 
before you are unhappy forever
 
i had a midlife crisis at 16
 
now i feel like an old man

 

IV.
 
i look at my stomach and it looks bigger than last year
 
this is a sign either of prosperity or gluttony
 
i drank two liters of tomato juice today
 
because i couldn’t help myself
 
right now i am practicing a card trick
 
while “coke boys 3” plays from my computer
 
and i get a text from you
 
telling me you will be right over