My Biologically Australian Dad And The Ear Candle Experience Which Made Him Believe The Moon Landing Hoax
Dan Hogan


certainty is knowing somewhere in the world right now there is a cloth getting dry
 
turn obstacles into opportunities by looking at all of your hands from above then walk outside with them all in one pocket
 
anyone who says “anyone who says”
 
use a job interview as a chance to gain employment by perfectly describing your greatest weakness as being a perfectionist and ask yourself who takes the glamour photos for nasa’s astronauts and why do they always look like massive dorks, buzz aldrin is a massive dork but do i only think that because of his glamour photo (?)
 
self-awareness is swerving to miss roadkill and being wordlessly grateful the roadkill isn’t a massive dork; be real: dork is the scientific name for a whale’s penis
 
wear your heart on your sleeve because the only way to wear someone else’s heart on your sleeve is by doing a murder
 
do lots of travelling and never forget pasta is all around us and touches lives
 
hard work is hard: open the door to your winnebago and watch rice pour out
 
questions make good philosophical advertising like if a dad falls out of bed in the forest and nobody is around, does it make a sound?
 
surprised by the amount of people “surprised by the amount of people”
 
last year wasn’t the last year and last year 10,000 people were injured while walking on smooth surfaces in socks and pulling up socks in their home and that’s how it is to be a domestic daredevil
 
take each day as it comes and one day posh snorkel
 
potential thoughts can become things like i’m so annoyed at the sun right now i can’t even look at it
 
the electrons contained in a billboard’s shadow were once a part of pangea so i guess our overlapping shadows are pangean like our love is pangean, as in the supercontinent
 
if worship is inescapable operate an absolutely stunning shoe horn on yourself
 
love small traumas everyday and when you forget important stuff remember the first person in space was a dog