Upsetting & Insane
Jordan Castro


and you get used to the pain but never the cause of the pain
 
and your eventual death is your pillow
 
and the people around you say ‘dark’ and ‘heavy’ in a certain tone of voice and so now you say ‘dark’ and ‘heavy’ in a certain tone of voice because you’re an identity-less dickhead and everything is dark and heavy
 
and the failure you expect and work toward will never be as beautiful as the way things could’ve been
 
and the degree of detached self-awareness you view things with will forever be the degree to which you’re lonely
 
and your loneliness is not a metaphor
 
and you’re lying when you say you’re sorry
 
and your voice is the voice of a minor league baseball announcer on his off-day telling his wife he loves her in an incomprehensible whisper because his throat is sore from announcing small victories
 
and the potholes you used to avoid spell your name in a language you know but you don’t recognize
 
and the construction is constant and imposing
 
and you eat less and less
 
and you never leave the house